11/5/11

snapshot

Melany, I watched the ABC 20/20 documentary. Here are my thoughts. If I mixed up details about the story it's because I watched it all once and then couldn't find it back again =) Yay for living in Canada where American broadcasts disappear because of copyright issues!



What does ABC News know of the ache in your eyes
cameras roll as tears slip down
you tell the world that your Indian name, Stands Against The Wind,
means that you are forever strong
that you will never hang yourself in the closet again because your brother found you
you say you are strong but I know
I know in my heart it means hard
I watch through the television lens
as feathers and beads spin, dancing with a little girl's giggle
and my heart, well, I can feel physical pain even writing this
oh, my little ones... It's hard and it hurts to remember their giggles
it still hurts
the boy who tells us
he wants to be the first Native American President
and his cousin displays burn scars from a parent who was high
my own tears in sync with the sound
of the ambitious one sobbing
up on the hill trying to escape the wounds of a drunken mother's words
ABC, they want to fix the problem with money, education
Ha.
do they see that hard, tired ache in his eyes
oh I recognize it
I've seen it in the mirror
seen it in the mirror
But I can't stay there
I don't want to live that way
If I want to live with my eyes wide open, and I do!
I know my heart will break, again and again
but the colors are so vivid in this vale of tears
when my eyes are on the Artist
and I want to live joy and thanks
to feel thanksgiving slow the moments
to taste and see and savor
that God is good
and He is!
and I have.
through separations and unanswered prayers
as I struggle desperately to love again,
to surrender fear
scared that it I open myself up to love these new little ones unreservedly
they too will be snatched away
angry that they have hope and my little ones do not
wishing more than anything that I could make healing happen
scared of being here always
scared of being alone
scared of letting anyone in
oh what weakness, what need
but grace is given and in this glorious somehow
I let go
surrender is to cease resistance
and to trust the Potter's hand
and there are flashes of understanding
but mostly I just feel the joy-song of these moments
in stained glass sunlight, soul-bread, dark baby eyes, arguments, piano keys, tea and teardrop rainfall
I feel Your love
oh You are hope for the nations
healing for me
I see Your hands
and though I cannot see my future, I know it's in them
so there's a smile in my heart
and a song in my soul



Top three photos from ABC News, courtesy of Google =)

2 comments:

Melany said...

Thank you, Lizzi.

For recognizing this as heartbreaking.

For seeing the lie of strength,
The lie of "a hope and a future" claimed.
And for knowing the truth
Of a strength found in weakness
And "a hope and future" given.

For taking the time to feel the pain.
For allowing your heart to break again.
While still finding a way to give thanks.

But it makes me wonder,
When I've looked into their eyes,
And I've seen their inward pain,
How can I look away,
How can I walk away,
Before I've told them

Jesus saves.

Jesus heals.

Jesus is life.

Jesus is love.

Jesus is hope.

Before I've told them:

This is Jesus, the Savior of the world.
This is Jesus, the Savior of the world.
This is Jesus, the Savior of the world.
He's the Savior of the world.

I cannot.
But it breaks my heart.

I love you. A lot. I would love tonight to cry with you and pray with you, but it is good just to read this and to know, you remember. Thanks for posting. Can I link back?

Lizzi said...

Absolutely you can! Oh Melany I miss you. Can't wait to see you in January - we'll need to find a little time to catch up amidst all the craziness of the wedding =)

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Sometimes I am melodramatic... Bear with me. My favorite thing is finding hope in hard places. If you enjoyed something (or not) I would love to hear from you! You can make me very happy by leaving a comment :)

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