you had to be there

how can I explain this
so that you understand
how it picked up my world and spun it dizzy
til, now, I see everything differently?
how can I reduce
to a mere few words
something that still keeps me up nights
lately the tears are so close to the surface
and the weirdest things will break the dam
it won't make sense to tell you
that I still keep thinking of the
vodka bottle in the middle of the road
why I want to learn to dance well
how much I miss the 
warm fuzzy-headed weight on my chest?
words fall so flat
if I tell you what I saw and heard
you might be shocked, 
might say
"how awful!"
and you'd be right
(though you probably won't feel it the way we did)
that's not the point.


say yes

say yes to love, my friend
it steals in, frightens you with it's call
to be Loved
and to love
always in that order
It'll be inconvenient
but that's the good stuff
you'll have to learn how to steward your resources
because they're never ever yours.
It'll pull you places you didn't want to go
sit you down with souls you turned your nose up at
who you never noticed
who freak you out
a hand over hand tug of war
"give up comfort,
die to self,
learn how to pray, really pray"
they are you
and Love pushes you until you have to say
"i need help."
haha!  Who would have known.
You opened yourself to give love
and all the while you were learning how to receive it.

image courtesy of Google


So I can be a little sentimental at times.  I like that I wrote a blog post last year on my birthday, because it was fun to look back on today.  So I am going to write another in order to have something to read next year.  =D  

Last year right around my birthday was the beginning of an exciting adventure.  (I won't recap because you can read what I wrote on the link above.)  It was harder than I expected in some ways - but doesn't everyone end up saying that.  It has also been far better than I ever expected, and my Lord has been shaping and teaching me in ways I never knew existed. 

It's still a little hard for me to put a finger on some of what I've been learning.  When 2014 began, I wrote about freedom, and it's good for me to look back on that as well.  Because what I see when I look at this past year is a God who brought me to things I thought I couldn't do and to places I thought I couldn't go and said "I am sufficient for all this."  And even in the many moments where it was painfully obvious that I wasn't sufficient for this He still was.  And is.  Skills, not so important.  Obedience, vital.  Not because He misses out if I run away.  Because I do.

Anyway.  I'm thinking on paper right now.  This is as much for me as for anyone else although if you actually read my blog and interact with my thoughts, thank you for sharing and for spending the time it takes to read what I write.  It is something I do appreciate.

Some meaningful things from this year/summer/lately:

This song.  

Also this one, as previously mentioned - I'll give you the Sam Robson version even though he doesn't get all the lyrics right, simply because his harmonies have stuck with me.

An epoch... My time here

Probably my favorite moment of this birthday, as instagrammed =)

A theme verse

And another, in classic pinterest style:

Some hallmark photos from this year (very incomplete)

I've found freedom
to talk about things I don't have figured out
to cry, at least more than I used to..
to laugh, to be enjoy silliness
to do things I don't think I can handle
to love so many new people
to leave, and to return even when both hurt so deep
to accept and even beg for help
to wake saying "I have no idea how I'm going to get through this day, I need You so!" and know He will be faithful even when I am not.


my summer song for 2014

I need Thee every hour
Because I can't live without Life, without Hope or Love
Most gracious Lord
Without You, Christ, I stand against a tsunami of holy goodness that should burn my dirty self away
No tender voice like Thine can peace afford
Because it's costly, that peace, so precious that no voice but the Divine can speak it into my days - and You do
I need Thee, Oh I need Thee
I need to know that You bought that Peace, it was already Yours but You bought it for me
Every hour I need Thee
Studying, working, job-hunting, cooking, chatting, cleaning, loving, losing, missing, hoping
Oh bless me now, my Savior
I'm terrified but You've promised it a thousand different ways
Pursued by Your love, teach me to yield
I come to Thee



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Sometimes I am melodramatic... Bear with me. My favorite thing is finding hope in hard places. If you enjoyed something (or not) I would love to hear from you! You can make me very happy by leaving a comment :)


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