Anyone got any spare brain cells for me?

 Why is it so easy to live life numb and believe I am self-sufficient?  Why do there seem to be so many obstacles to loving people well?  Why does an element of uncertainty guarantee that I will be obsessed with said topic?  Why can my phone not handle uploading 40 minutes of Kevin DeYoung video onto the internet?  What happens if this broke student doesn't fundraise enough to cover all my costs for my summer internship?  What if I don't find a job this fall?  What if the truck that hit the car my brother was in this week had been going a little faster than he was?  How do I grow in realizing my need for God's Word, and managing my time so that it is priority?  How should a Christian worldview assess the diagnosis of PTSD and what am I going to focus on in my paper on said topic?  How am I going to pack up all my things in time, and are we going to have an apartment to move into next fall?  How am I going to retain all the other things that have rocked my world this semester?

Sigh.  Sometimes your brain just goes round and round.  I am so thankful for spring blossoms and Sunday afternoon walks; for wonderful things that use up most of my brain cells, for people and invitations that come at just the right time.  I have been so blessed lately both by the richness of what I am learning (even my paradigm shifts are having paradigm shifts) and by the people God has been blessing me with - people who offer me food, people who trust me with hard things, people who ask for my story, people who share their precious time and valuable wisdom, and people who invite me to swing dance when my brain is too full for any more homework!

 I think the one thought in all the kerfuffle that I can hang onto is that the cross is what I need.  After attending a book launch for Kevin DeYoung's new book, and spending the next morning at Mrs. Gaffin's place with some wonderful women discussing personal devotions, I am realizing that I often forget to look for Christ in what I read and hear.  One of my professors said earlier this semester (I think it was David Powlison) "all of the Psalms need to be pushed through the Cross."  That stuck with me and I see what a difference this makes.  Just reading Ezekiel 16 this morning, and going through all the punishments that God says He will bring on Israel for her harlotry, I was so struck by the realization that Yahweh is speaking all these awful things knowing that it is Christ who will suffer this, in Israel's place.
I am so blind, and
I am so loved.

"Christ be with me, Christ within me,
Christ behind me, Christ before me,
Christ beside me, Christ to win me,
Christ to comfort and restore me.
Christ beneath me, Christ above me,
Christ in quiet, Christ in danger,
Christ in hearts of all that love me,
Christ in mouth of friend and stranger."

(St. Patrick's Prayer)



Just a few more gifts from my list.  Since I'm trying to be inspired to write a fundraising letter.  =)

#3407  A wonderful lady who calls me "Little sis"

#3416 Someone at church who perseveres in trying to make conversation even though I can see it's difficult

#3422  The carriage house (student center) at school with the morning sun streaming in

#3447 An early morning walk to wake myself up after a late night studying!

#3448  "I will wait on Your name, for it is good." (Ps 52)

#3451  My papers submitted, even if they were terrible


#3460  Emails from my youngest brother, who promises to teach me some self-defense when I come home

#3461  Sharing a story that shaped me

#3464  Friends who feed me dinner

#3467  A Starbucks gift card from my Dad! 

#3469  An old friend visiting, and time to be still

#3475  A conversion story and the story-teller's joy

 #3476  A friend whose love of ministry is contagiously tangible

 #3477  Iron supplements =)

3482  Coffee, for the seven hour stretches of class

#3484 Trees in bloom

#3485  Kids with wagons

#3486  Facebook messages with a dear Canadian friend, 
keeping each other accountable in our devotions for the week

#3491  A Sunday afternoon picnic and first bit of a sunburn this year


Alright, now to work =)  

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Sometimes I am melodramatic... Bear with me. My favorite thing is finding hope in hard places. If you enjoyed something (or not) I would love to hear from you! You can make me very happy by leaving a comment :)


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