teardrop

when the ground dropped away below me
when I last gazed on the land
I thought I left my heart there
and tried to cry quietly
in the dim airplane cabin
eyes red with internal pain
and I watered my pillow with questions
in the dark days that followed
time does harden the wound
but somewhere deep the ache was still festering
the questions unanswered
it was winter in my soul
and my tears dried up
sometimes on the grayer, darker days
I tried to force a tear
thought maybe the sunshine was just a dream
and dry wells would be my lot in life
but Grace was still pursuing
oh, relentless mercy!
And while I tried to curl up and suffocate inside myself
the Comforter kept shoving things in my face
like forgiveness, all bloody-palmed
and the dark bottle of those first tears
and somehow, sunshine
rays of uncertain hope, smiles flashing
'til unwillingly, I had to look
to see that my life is an unending string of colorful gifts
of proofs that He loves me, that He holds the answers
whether or not He shows them to me
I began to see that there are more
hurting, hoping, needing souls
than just me:
and my life is but a word
in this, His great and glorious story.
And slowly, the tears began to flow once more
a welling up once or twice
catching me off guard
and then a couple overwhelmed floods
but the well is gratitude now
where once it was just bleeding
'til I feel like a humbled
constantly overflowing
so joyful mess
and the bottle is sparkling crystal
spilling sunbeams everywhere