point of view

insufficient that's it insufficient for the tasks at hand but they must be done even though the clock ticks a time-warp don't we wish  we could do them well ?   but sometimes it's all we can do to strive for  done when it comes to hearts when I think of the flash in your veiled eyes  your hesitating words I feel as though I must  do well because how could I dare to hurt you with carelessness? insufficient simply insufficient very insufficient yet the full plate is a gift from a Master Chef He wants me to enjoy He wants me to live and so all I can do is plow on if I act in worship out of love the failure holes in my pot will merely serve as  light-diffusers and together we will see. image source

say yes to love, my friend it steals in, frightens you with it's call to be Loved and to love always in that order always. It'll be inconvenient but that's the good stuff you'll have to learn how to steward your resources because they're never ever yours. It'll pull you places you didn't want to go sit you down with souls you turned your nose up at who you never noticed who freak you out a hand over hand tug of war "give up comfort, die to self, learn how to pray, really pray" because they are you and Love pushes you until you have to say "i need help." haha!  Who would have known. You opened yourself to give love and all the while you were learning how to receive it. image courtesy of Google

  I asked, ‘will you tell me your story?’ and they said yes invited me into their hearts what an honor to be welcomed into their hurt and my breath catches to realize the responsibility to feel how very much I could hurt them and the richness God has for us in this place of honesty. tell me more? heal us, Lord! what was this like for you? and I must cling to Him afraid of what sinful self can do to relationships do I really understand you? but the blood of Christ washes over and as I bumble around in a sensitive heart I could cause such destruction unless I live on incessant prayer and humility I’ve put my finger on the pulse of the Spirit’s healing oh, there’s joy throbbing through our veins and we’re washed in the sunbeams of awe I see God.

I've been that girl beating my wings against the bars of grace desperately restless I've been that girl running, running cold hiding away inside myself I've been that girl but it's one step after the other and it's a wrestling gasping mercy drowning in love and it burns white hot because I've always been pursued I've always been hedged in and even when it hurts,  I am held and here I struggle and today, I am so content but even when I find myself wearing through my shoes again on the road, wandering again always I am home. With You.

A few more highlights from my gift list: #3303 "Freedom", my word for 2014 #3314 Seeing my sweet cousin's face, even if it's over Skype #3317  Wind-chime chorus on my street #3321 Unexpectedly discovering a kindred spirit #3323 Facebook messages all full of wedding plans #3327 Breadsticks from the Olive Garden  #3330 How you know, when you walk in the door at CCEF, you will be kindly treated no matter what you're there for #3332 Thabiti Anyabwile and new crochet stitches at unearthly hours of the night #3334  A classmate who cleans the snow off my car for me #3340 "Speak Oh Lord" in church #3344 The mechanic telling me I'm "quite a lady" just because I drive stick and change my own tires...  lol #3347 The sweet lady in the grocery store who finds and returns the shopping list I dropped #3352 Being trusted with a dear friend's struggle ...

treetop moon bursting through flurried kitchen concoctions ruffled thudding on my window we're restless, you and i. let's pretend to be poets, snobbish and elusive truth is, we don't know what to do with ourselves hungry for summer for release but today is a gem whether we know it or not. image from justcalendar.org

...But I need a little processing time before I can write something about the things that are in my head right now.  Thought for the day:   The Lord works everywhere, all the time.   Think about it.

I’ve been pleading for rain for years for lightning, thunder, whirlwinds of power we all conceal a desperate need for healing and we want it NOW. Is this a bad desire? Nope.  Not at all. but lately there’s a lesson that’s been tugging me from my intended course to still and to bring knowledge: God works slow. you see, revival is like the newborn baby’s very first breath the doctors, nurses and parents breathe a sigh of relief Mom & Dad, do they leave the new little life, on to their next thing? Of course not.  A baby is a full-time job.  A baby requires work, pain, money, love, maturity – sacrifice.  And usually life-time commitment.  At least eighteen years or so. Do you know what it means to be involved in conversion?  Discipling and conversion are like fingers and hands. They're useless, separated. Think about it.  What is the Great Commission anyway?  “Go therefore and get everybody to call ...

velvet pansy richness silky oriental fabric violets crushed underfoot purple cabbage sizzling  between  slices of apple starry midnight eyes the sky just beyond the bumpy edge of cloud paint drops on the driveway ink on the page translucent blades of grass cool evergreen shade aged books embossed with gold cucumbers and celery, sliced crisp puddled afternoon sunlight budding daffodils baby curls banana-colored yarn orange peels spraying scented mist the full moon hanging close and heavy waxy crayon dusty lily hearts cherry highlights packed in a bowl lips curved happy row of cool clay pots fallen rose petals and all washed sparkling down with humbled grateful tears

Listen to Me, you stubborn-hearted I will carry you. Be still and hear, you rebellious I love you. Though you stumble in the dark lugging your idols around Though you close your eyes and put your fingers in your ears when I am speaking to you Though you hide your pet addictions under the bed and protect your favorite sins like a toddler with candy listen to Me I still love you. I will carry you. I will never leave you or forsake you. I will bring you Home I will pursue you, hedge you in, and guide you always. And I will capture your heart. Who is safe from the power of the Love of a holy God?

Here are a few of the things in my "1000 Gifts" notebook from recently: 696 How quickly a day goes by 698 The glowing smile of a bride 707 New pens 711 A grieving family held close by church 715 Sunday afternoon warmth and stillness 718 A movie date (Courageous!) with my 11-year-old brother 720 A child coming to be comforted 735 Bible stories told the Jewish way 736 Spontaneous detours 743 The sound of driving on gravel 780 A little girl who likes being tied up to trees! =) 785 A raised mailbox flag 803 A friend who finds me when I'm anxious and prays over me 809 Guitar stands on stage 814 Remembering magical stories of sailors and rainbows and blue seas 819 Dutch women outside their comfort zones 828 My Opa's harmonica hymns 829 My Oma's perfume 833 A fellow homeschooler in crowds of schoolteachers 834 A very full church 840 Spurgeon books 851 The grace to laugh at myself 853 A moonlit run 863 Earl Grey Va...

like a prairie hawk in a fowler's net my restless heart struggles angry at times other times, holy and content once in a while, both and the whole drama beautiful somehow. How strange how incomprehensible this work of Yours but this wild and dirty little gypsy girl You love her somehow I am convinced of it how else this grace, all this Grace? love more than imagination can wrap itself around intimately, deeply, oh so painfully heavy euphoria sanctification.

I wrote this a little while ago but I need to be reminded again and again! Promises... Tearing through walls of doubt melting away walls I built to protect my pain The agony of loneliness the guilt of knowing there's no reason for it knowing I am not alone The sorrow over my numbness my rebellion and envy oh, I want to be thirsty! Child Hush Others have betrayed you but I was betrayed so that you will never be forsaken I am your hope drink, though it may choke you at first no place, no heart is impervious to the gospel whether you believe it or not My grip never slackens in the blackest night or the foggiest day if you ask I will give you trust.

I recently started a notebook of "1000 Gifts", inspired by the writer of http://www.aholyexperience.com/. It's kind of an exercise in "counting the ways He loves you", as Ann Voskamp puts it. I am up to #367 right now and I thought I would share a few, and some photos I've taken over the last few months... #1 Redemption - Jesus holding all hell on His shoulders, "I love you" #3 The unrestrained joy of spring's frenzied birdsong #8 Curlicues in a wisp of sunlit steam #13 The untaught dance of baby femininity #14 Coffeeshop air #28 Striped morning sunlight #31 The return of a long-absent friend #33 Colored pencil shavings #35 Gifts waiting to be given, like a secret only you know #50 Iridescent bubbles floating to the sunshine #51 Three generations around the table for a cup of tea #58 Something to do, to give #62 "He will praise the Lord through the night, until the sun arises" #6...