point of view

I want a table that says Tell me your story I want to make meals You're not self-conscious to eat To cook for restricted, or slow, or messy eaters And a baby to cheer your view. Food is a gift! So is a good coffee Let us make you a treat or scrounge something quick. We want to give blessing we've also received We want you to to know: You're cared for You're heard We're glad you are here. Image source

turn off turn onto the gravel roads to wander to reach for a spray of the wildflowers, not as a taking of the fruit of another's possessions but as a recognizing welcoming the delight of sun, wind, sky mountain and plain to gather the glories in highlight their riotous worship. Yes, we see we join with the ringing, repeating song of praise! image source

Finding my voice again feels a little presumptuous What do I have to say? Only the unfinished Perhaps I'm no longer grieving, No longer longing as before Perhaps I don't dare to speak for fear the good will vaporize More likely I'm less alone these days There are two and the Lord who hear my heart these days I have become wife I have become mother Perhaps I don't dare to speak for fear of hurting those who long for these titles Perhaps I've heard some try to teach the how As if they knew it all I don't goodness, I don't. But I am learning new things I suppose we all are.

Today, I thank You for A home that was always open How many birthdays I heard the story of my birth again, how she became a mom for the first time, how she saw her own face when she looked at mine The pushing, prying, once in a while tears because she wanted to know how I was doing Pizza and ice cream in the freezer and the knowledge that we could invite first and inform her second For the big dreams and enthusiasm for our futures That she prays for us. For the tea, always tea The orchids in the window, pansies in the garden peace that was always at Oma's place Always the listening and the special treatment like she was so honored that you were there. The recurrent gathering again, how she is a magnet in the drawing together of our family All the hearts that have been under that roof The foster kids who still send a note every now and then For the niece who is mine in a small way For those who let me hold their babies and rejoice with them For all the kids who...

sometimes it's all blurry like the moon tonight warm and sleepy and yet there's restlessness and hunger to know this is not really  home and that means THANK YOU thank You that I get to be where I am wading in the messiness of human hearts and many mistakes and the fathomless depths of Your Words stars spoken in a treasure chest with beat-up leather covers.   it's so not the neat and tidy I am comfortable with but somehow I love that because You're rearranging my heart and there is no good symphony built of resolved chords and the best music is the beautiful tension, You transforming dark chaos into the light of hope and in these moments of  sweat and elbow grease, blood and baby skin  empty arms and full, full hearts somehow even the ache can be beautiful because even though I will always mourn my little ones and all the loved ones too far to touch my heart continues to swell and stretch,  and I never knew I co...

It's been a really long time since I did a gifts post!  Since last spring, in fact...  Here are a few from here and there. #3516  A Mom phone call #3535  Christ, today #3539  "I trust you" #3551 A spontaneous trip to WaWa exclusively for gummy worms #3573  My brother & his girlfriend sitting together in church and the text he sends to his friend's mom "It's official" and her phone isn't on silent #3589 Opa Brink and his "coffee klaar?" #3628 Rippled plains #3634 Evenings of Dutch Blitz and laughter #3635  That precious weight and the privilege of soothing a frightened baby back to sleep #3636  Making dinner with the shelter ladies #3638  Being asked to paint a quilt square for the quilt that kept her hands busy and her resolve strong #3640  A sweet girl playing Veggie Tale clips again and again and again #3641  The impossible conversation that happens  #3643 So much...

  I asked, ‘will you tell me your story?’ and they said yes invited me into their hearts what an honor to be welcomed into their hurt and my breath catches to realize the responsibility to feel how very much I could hurt them and the richness God has for us in this place of honesty. tell me more? heal us, Lord! what was this like for you? and I must cling to Him afraid of what sinful self can do to relationships do I really understand you? but the blood of Christ washes over and as I bumble around in a sensitive heart I could cause such destruction unless I live on incessant prayer and humility I’ve put my finger on the pulse of the Spirit’s healing oh, there’s joy throbbing through our veins and we’re washed in the sunbeams of awe I see God.

Just a few more gifts from my list.  Since I'm trying to be inspired to write a fundraising letter.  =) #3407  A wonderful lady who calls me "Little sis" #3416 Someone at church who perseveres in trying to make conversation even though I can see it's difficult #3422  The carriage house (student center) at school with the morning sun streaming in #3447 An early morning walk to wake myself up after a late night studying! #3448  "I will wait on Your name, for it is good." (Ps 52) #3451  My papers submitted, even if they were terrible     #3460  Emails from my youngest brother, who promises to teach me some self-defense when I come home #3461  Sharing a story that shaped me #3464  Friends who feed me dinner #3467  A Starbucks gift card from my Dad!  #3469  An old friend visiting, and time to be still #3475  A conversion story and the story-teller's joy ...

I've been that girl beating my wings against the bars of grace desperately restless I've been that girl running, running cold hiding away inside myself I've been that girl but it's one step after the other and it's a wrestling gasping mercy drowning in love and it burns white hot because I've always been pursued I've always been hedged in and even when it hurts,  I am held and here I struggle and today, I am so content but even when I find myself wearing through my shoes again on the road, wandering again always I am home. With You.

A few more highlights from my gift list: #3303 "Freedom", my word for 2014 #3314 Seeing my sweet cousin's face, even if it's over Skype #3317  Wind-chime chorus on my street #3321 Unexpectedly discovering a kindred spirit #3323 Facebook messages all full of wedding plans #3327 Breadsticks from the Olive Garden  #3330 How you know, when you walk in the door at CCEF, you will be kindly treated no matter what you're there for #3332 Thabiti Anyabwile and new crochet stitches at unearthly hours of the night #3334  A classmate who cleans the snow off my car for me #3340 "Speak Oh Lord" in church #3344 The mechanic telling me I'm "quite a lady" just because I drive stick and change my own tires...  lol #3347 The sweet lady in the grocery store who finds and returns the shopping list I dropped #3352 Being trusted with a dear friend's struggle ...

This has been a gratitude-filled fall if Thanksgiving dinners are any indication - I've had three =)  One Canadian celebration with family, since I was home for the wedding on the same weekend, one a few weeks later with fellow Canadians in the area (and some additions), and one American thanksgiving with other homeless students.  All of them were lovely, although of course being home with family and having family from the states made the first one very very special.  In the spirit of the most recent one I thought I would share a few more "gifts" from my Ann-Voskamp-inspired gift list. I'm going back to the wedding but there are so many I can only share a few or you'll be here all day!  3034.  The moment I saw Dad walking towards me on the street in TO, new beard and all (I love my Daddy, I can't even express how wonderful a moment like that is)  3036. Heidi surrounded by wedding things 3037.  A peaceful and lovely lunch with Heidi, aunts and Oma...

...that's what I'm doing right now.  I have papers to write but I am so slow this morning.  I'm sitting on the awesome kitchen stool we have with my laptop on the counter beside the kettle and my towel hanging off the cupboard door, just enjoying my coffee (Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut, it was on sale...  On of the things you don't find in Ontario) It's a happy morning.  I don't exactly know why...  Perhaps some recent blessings are sinking in.  God is providing for me, I have a bit less uncertainty about the next little while, and I've enjoyed a lot of good phone conversations in the last little bit...  And some good in person conversations too =)    On a random note there are roses on the table, snipped from the bush outside.  Roses in November!  I walk past a big rosebush to get to my car, almost every day.  I love it.  This just started on my playlist so I will share it with you, it's a favorite. Speaking of ...

Some of the 'gifts' from my gift-list , as of late.  Also some random pictures of life since leaving Canada, in no particular order.     2932. Linda's sweet cards, one for each day of my first week...  And another to be saved "For a sad day" 2934.  Discovering the park up the road with Heidi 2935.  Stringing pearls together....  =)  (There will have to be a follow-up photo of our creation sometime!) 2936.  Sharing a coke with Heidi before she got on the bus 2937.  Becky's fresh bread 2940.  Finding the little Saturday farmer's market at the end of the road (complete with 10-year-old busker, cafe, and train station) 2942.  Audrey Hepburn movies free online =)  2944. Whipped cream in my coffee 2945.  The AOC songs ripped from youtube on my mp3 player 2946.  A sweet "do-not-open-until" card from Heidi to help make my bi...