point of view

"Hormones." Kind of an ugly word to explain the flood of emotions, don't you think? So many different things to hold in my heart this twenty-eighth birthday. So many things have changed so quickly in the space between my twenty-sixth and twenty-eighth birthday - I hadn't even met the man who woke me singing "Happy Birthday" so I would hurry to open the gift he would use to make my morning coffee for me, while our child kicked his or her greeting inside me. My twenty-seventh birthday was just after our honeymoon. The newlywed stage is beautiful, but for all its thrills and despairs, treasured new things and bumbling adjustments, I don't wish to be back in that stage. How thankful I am for all we've learned, the trust we've built, the skills acquired for cheering each other on. How much more we have to learn. Each of us hold our everyday sorrows, together with the immense and humbling realizations of how much good we've been given. ...

Good Friday is my favorite holiday although sometimes I'd rather pass over the darkness quickly look to the Sunday sunrise but you've got to sit in the horror of it a little while make your home beneath the Cross and you'll see how He was torn the slow suffocation the life-blood that seeps away, congealed and continual how His loved ones must have prayed for death to hurry what agony to see Him suffer, exposed and shamed, for hours on end but they didn't even know the half of it all hell's darkest powers many eternity's worth of torture, concentrated into this slim span of time creation strains under the weight of this confusion something is terribly, terribly wrong the sun knows it, and dares not look on the horrible sight the earth shudders violently in fear the agonizing shriek rings out Forsaken and yet, He has asked for the bitter wine and vinegar He is willing to drink down the dregs of His Father's wrath The crumbs of His br...

it's a strange state we're in that's for sure you can't be strong unless you know you're weak won't feel held til you've tasted the lonely ache must be broken down if you want to be made whole can't be blinded by brightness without being encompassed by the dark you can't love without hurting, fearing, bleeding, weeping oh friend, push on for the prize

say yes to love, my friend it steals in, frightens you with it's call to be Loved and to love always in that order always. It'll be inconvenient but that's the good stuff you'll have to learn how to steward your resources because they're never ever yours. It'll pull you places you didn't want to go sit you down with souls you turned your nose up at who you never noticed who freak you out a hand over hand tug of war "give up comfort, die to self, learn how to pray, really pray" because they are you and Love pushes you until you have to say "i need help." haha!  Who would have known. You opened yourself to give love and all the while you were learning how to receive it. image courtesy of Google

and soft she kisses black eyes blink sister toddles off oblivious to the call her name, but play is imperative a sigh soon, she'll fetch the wanderer but she lingers with the tiny bundle drawn back to those eyes serious, penetrating and they speak to one another silently. imagesource

  I asked, ‘will you tell me your story?’ and they said yes invited me into their hearts what an honor to be welcomed into their hurt and my breath catches to realize the responsibility to feel how very much I could hurt them and the richness God has for us in this place of honesty. tell me more? heal us, Lord! what was this like for you? and I must cling to Him afraid of what sinful self can do to relationships do I really understand you? but the blood of Christ washes over and as I bumble around in a sensitive heart I could cause such destruction unless I live on incessant prayer and humility I’ve put my finger on the pulse of the Spirit’s healing oh, there’s joy throbbing through our veins and we’re washed in the sunbeams of awe I see God.

 Why is it so easy to live life numb and believe I am self-sufficient?  Why do there seem to be so many obstacles to loving people well?  Why does an element of uncertainty guarantee that I will be obsessed with said topic?  Why can my phone not handle uploading 40 minutes of Kevin DeYoung video onto the internet?  What happens if this broke student doesn't fundraise enough to cover all my costs for my summer internship?  What if I don't find a job this fall?  What if the truck that hit the car my brother was in this week had been going a little faster than he was?  How do I grow in realizing my need for God's Word, and managing my time so that it is priority?  How should a Christian worldview assess the diagnosis of PTSD and what am I going to focus on in my paper on said topic?  How am I going to pack up all my things in time, and are we going to have an apartment to move into next fall?  How am I going to retain all the other th...

summer dawns and I'm a wanderer neither here nor there chapters closed and not yet begun but what lies between such a sweet rich freedom time to slow to savor, to enjoy I've said plenty of goodbyes in my time but you'll always be a part of who I am you've taught me how beauty and dignity mesh you've given me confidence taught me how to sing and how to weep I've let go the little hands that reached into my mourning heart and claimed my love and care when I thought I was done with loving oh, the Lord knew better and I've left them in good hands now things I'd let go of, the Lord brought them back He is sovereign over opportunity so I'll love because He loves me first first clematis image found here second clematis image found here

(this list could go on for a very long time, actually.) everyone needs to stop and just stare at the blue sky sometimes. ask questions. make the people in your life feel like celebrities when you greet them. fresh air and exercise helps to keep you from going crazy. rainbows are the coolest things ever. never be afraid to ask for help. pray for ants. it's ok to cry.  loudly.  and then sit for a while - but only as long as you need.  then get up and do the next thing. always be extra kind to people who've been crying. mud is good. real men like flowers.  and killing bad guys, no matter how many zillions of times they're told fighting is not allowed at school. everyone should appreciate jellyfish. food is a big deal. singing louder is always better. and God is the answer to everything.

Listen to Me, you stubborn-hearted I will carry you. Be still and hear, you rebellious I love you. Though you stumble in the dark lugging your idols around Though you close your eyes and put your fingers in your ears when I am speaking to you Though you hide your pet addictions under the bed and protect your favorite sins like a toddler with candy listen to Me I still love you. I will carry you. I will never leave you or forsake you. I will bring you Home I will pursue you, hedge you in, and guide you always. And I will capture your heart. Who is safe from the power of the Love of a holy God?

listen you weary busy and numb and frustrated the tinsel and inflatable Santas tire your soul the flickering lights are cold like LED and the emptiness of your heart is weighing heavy searching for wonderful this time of the year I know oh, I know in this long winter this dark, dark night at the moment when despair begins to choke us a beam of light constellations are singing as a woman cries out and in a muck of blood and fluids a Baby with hardly any hair, no teeth, uncoordinated limbs skin and flesh and bone human yet - miracle of miracles - the light of Divinity I wonder how Mary dared to touch Him and the Light in that stable shines down through the ages to you He can take your life of dark moment followed by dark moment and spill His blood into your dead and decaying soul to bring life and hope and light to transform your everyday.

"I charge you, O daughters... do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." -Song of Songs I am young and I sleep resting in my Father's arms a garden enclosed a lily among thorns the secrets of my heart and the song I sing are still unshared, still only for my King Awaken me slow oh, waken me softly be gentle in persuading if you're winning my heart if I call you beloved, will you call me sister first if I let you in, I know that it will hurt I'm scared and I am stubborn but I'm drawn to your gaze this could be a holy fire I want to know, can you be wise? Awaken me slow oh, waken me softly be gentle in persuading if you're winning my heart

like a prairie hawk in a fowler's net my restless heart struggles angry at times other times, holy and content once in a while, both and the whole drama beautiful somehow. How strange how incomprehensible this work of Yours but this wild and dirty little gypsy girl You love her somehow I am convinced of it how else this grace, all this Grace? love more than imagination can wrap itself around intimately, deeply, oh so painfully heavy euphoria sanctification.

In the inky darkness a star appeared piercing, proclaiming "born to die" and when the hour came, the sun could not bear to watch darkness reigned hell seemed to prevail while the eyes of the angels were glued to the middle cross "Is this really happening?" but the earth knew something big was hidden shrouded in horror and it trembled in fear and anticipation and let go some of it's dead oh, fitting precursor And while Satan partied the priests scratched their heads what to do about this veil so strangely, so violently torn can't ignore it three days time we wait in four Lazarus had begun to smell this is no legend-exaggerated coma truly dead, and Mary is overwhelmed broken-hearted despair "Mary." His gentle call wild hope greatest joy she's ever tasted this is so much bigger than we dreamed "I have power to lay it down and to take it up again" death works backward This is God! The King of Kings! Oh death, where is your victory? Grave...

Love, take me by surprise let the river of healing overflow it's banks let the music of Life shatter my windows like a little child disconsolate I am crying with my whole self, with all my might runaway droplets like shimmery butterflies take me by the hand be my Comforter tug my hand I will run, like a child, to Your arms oh I need You how I need You wash over me with glory awaken my awe oh Love, take me by surprise There are things about working with little children that teach me about myself. I am always amazed or amused at the way kindergartners cry. Some of them cry loudly, and you can't hear anything the other children are telling you about why they are crying, and others cry silently, shaking and shedding tears profusely. All of them cry with every fibre of their body. When I was helping out with the JK the other day one of the little boys, one with a temper, hit another very hard and vehemently, the result being the naughty little boy promptly taken out of the room ...

I can feel the trembling in the ground under my feet. This world is uncertain and unsteady. On the radio I hear of radiation and evacuation and it reminds me of a story I read about Chernobyl - mutations and a toxic deserted fairground. I see a Japanese five-year-old being tested for radiation by big masked people on Reuters. And I hear of wars and rumors thereof - Libyan rebels desperate for power, pleading for an air strike, and I sigh as I feed my ever-thirsty gas tank, wishing for integrity in power, and the stability it would bring. I think of The Economy and wonder if any of these well-known names really care, if any names printed on the ballots for May second truly desire the heavy responsibility of the office they all lie for... Like I said, unsteady ground. I think about my own plans. Sometimes I don't bother to make plans because it seems God is always changing them. Then I remember, hey, this is a good thing. Maybe I'd better make some more plans for God to work ...

there once was a girl she was kind of self-preoccupied. she wanted life to be dry and tearless she assumed heaven on earth she prayed for interminably blue skies. Maybe that's why the darkness hurt so much and the wind left her shaking and numb. something is not right. then when her tears wouldn't flow she wished they would she prayed for answers but Yahweh said "I Am." He touched her cold unfeeling heart and it began to heal slowly. He reminded her that her soul-song was not crying for answers only for Love.

Shall we stand in awe a little, together? Let us discuss our great need and feel, together, the great ache of humankind. Let us rejoice, together, in the miracle, the salvation which defies the laws of logic and understanding. And if a few tears escape let us urge each other to be unashamed of the joy. Let us point our fingers, let us redirect one another's attention to the goal. Catch my hand when I begin to wander from the shadow of the cross. Hold tight to pull me from the sloughs of despond and doubt. Let us stay close in the cold of this world to fan each other's flame. Let us build our friendship to last beyond time.

Some say love is butterflies. Love is sparks. Love is falling, falling off a cliff into oceans of happiness or meaning or something indescribable. Love is finding the one you can't live without. But I saw Love, and it's a lot bigger than that. Love is giving up. Love is letting go. Sometimes love is allowing someone to let you go. Love is time. Sometimes love is money. Love is almost always inconvenient. Love can be letting someone in when you don't want to. Love can be persistently knocking when they won't let you in. Love is space what you don't want it and no space when you do want it. Love is almost always hard. Love hurts. Love sacrifices. Love does things it despises while knowing that, probably, no one will ever know you did it (or hated doing it) except God. Love bears burdens. Love weeps with those who weep and rejoices with those who rejoice. Love is 1 Corinthians 13. Love hung from a tree by nails through His palms and suffocated through multiple eter...