point of view

like the moment during takeoff just before your ears pop the pressure of the quiet gets to me stillness is a song but silence is a tense hum waiting perhaps it's a struggle to catch up, to get ahead of the tick of the clock so that there's time to hear the music to pause, to observe the symphony between the lines to create the music that's already around there are riches in the drumming rain the pulsating surf the teeming streets riches waiting to be spoken but first, someone needs to pause and listen

I'm sure most of us have heard it at one point or another.  You're talking to someone who loves you dearly and is trying to comfort you after a plan or dream has fallen through.  You are disappointed, and they say, "God has something so much better in store for you!"  They are right, but somehow it's not comforting.  You might have wanted to say, "I don't CARE!  I don't want a better plan, I want this one!"  Sometimes God's sovereignty can feel like a cruel joke.  Certainly it's more comforting to know that an awful struggle is a gift from a loving God, rather than an uncontrolled catastrophe with the power to destroy us, but still I find myself looking in confusion to my Father and in my hurt crying out, "Really?  Why this?"  In times like this it can be easy to become angry with God for not letting us have it our way. A few evenings ago I was with two friends and the conversation turned to the past year, of the t...

sometimes it's all blurry like the moon tonight warm and sleepy and yet there's restlessness and hunger to know this is not really  home and that means THANK YOU thank You that I get to be where I am wading in the messiness of human hearts and many mistakes and the fathomless depths of Your Words stars spoken in a treasure chest with beat-up leather covers.   it's so not the neat and tidy I am comfortable with but somehow I love that because You're rearranging my heart and there is no good symphony built of resolved chords and the best music is the beautiful tension, You transforming dark chaos into the light of hope and in these moments of  sweat and elbow grease, blood and baby skin  empty arms and full, full hearts somehow even the ache can be beautiful because even though I will always mourn my little ones and all the loved ones too far to touch my heart continues to swell and stretch,  and I never knew I co...

 Why is it so easy to live life numb and believe I am self-sufficient?  Why do there seem to be so many obstacles to loving people well?  Why does an element of uncertainty guarantee that I will be obsessed with said topic?  Why can my phone not handle uploading 40 minutes of Kevin DeYoung video onto the internet?  What happens if this broke student doesn't fundraise enough to cover all my costs for my summer internship?  What if I don't find a job this fall?  What if the truck that hit the car my brother was in this week had been going a little faster than he was?  How do I grow in realizing my need for God's Word, and managing my time so that it is priority?  How should a Christian worldview assess the diagnosis of PTSD and what am I going to focus on in my paper on said topic?  How am I going to pack up all my things in time, and are we going to have an apartment to move into next fall?  How am I going to retain all the other th...

summer dawns and I'm a wanderer neither here nor there chapters closed and not yet begun but what lies between such a sweet rich freedom time to slow to savor, to enjoy I've said plenty of goodbyes in my time but you'll always be a part of who I am you've taught me how beauty and dignity mesh you've given me confidence taught me how to sing and how to weep I've let go the little hands that reached into my mourning heart and claimed my love and care when I thought I was done with loving oh, the Lord knew better and I've left them in good hands now things I'd let go of, the Lord brought them back He is sovereign over opportunity so I'll love because He loves me first first clematis image found here second clematis image found here

it’s an unceasing weight tears bottled up my unanswered question broken telephone lines unresponsive heart love through a clogged artery how long, oh Lord? yearning for it, maybe force it but it is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. patient perseverance, submission to sovereignty until we sing again. image source  http://www.pptbackgrounds.net

sermon notes from I Kings 18:41-46 and on no cloud in the sky "the sound of rain" he says promise God's Word is surety don't doubt, child don't doubt I hear it really I do! God's sovereignty shouting at us Do we know  what God promises? Did Elijah think God promised rain AND Jezebel to stop persecuting him? Is that how I think too? God's name glorified AND a great husband? AND no loss of work? AND holy, affectionate kids? AND an always peaceful church? hmmmm... Elijah thinks persevering intercession is important. I wonder, would I keep praying after the fifth "there is nothing"? the crowd is gone he's gone back up the mountain. he seeks God after the blessing after the urgent sense of need no resting on laurels. Believing, he presses forward into the impossible he leaves his distractions head between his knees Elijah is no radio pastor trying to quickly churn out one million copies...

Melany, I watched the ABC 20/20 documentary. Here are my thoughts. If I mixed up details about the story it's because I watched it all once and then couldn't find it back again =) Yay for living in Canada where American broadcasts disappear because of copyright issues! What does ABC News know of the ache in your eyes cameras roll as tears slip down you tell the world that your Indian name, Stands Against The Wind, means that you are forever strong that you will never hang yourself in the closet again because your brother found you you say you are strong but I know I know in my heart it means hard I watch through the television lens as feathers and beads spin, dancing with a little girl's giggle and my heart, well, I can feel physical pain even writing this oh, my little ones... It's hard and it hurts to remember their giggles it still hurts the boy who tells us he wants to be the first Native American President and his cousin displays burn scars from a parent who wa...

I can feel the trembling in the ground under my feet. This world is uncertain and unsteady. On the radio I hear of radiation and evacuation and it reminds me of a story I read about Chernobyl - mutations and a toxic deserted fairground. I see a Japanese five-year-old being tested for radiation by big masked people on Reuters. And I hear of wars and rumors thereof - Libyan rebels desperate for power, pleading for an air strike, and I sigh as I feed my ever-thirsty gas tank, wishing for integrity in power, and the stability it would bring. I think of The Economy and wonder if any of these well-known names really care, if any names printed on the ballots for May second truly desire the heavy responsibility of the office they all lie for... Like I said, unsteady ground. I think about my own plans. Sometimes I don't bother to make plans because it seems God is always changing them. Then I remember, hey, this is a good thing. Maybe I'd better make some more plans for God to work ...