point of view

fuzzy sentences mucky brain cells all I want to do is drink tea and stare at the candles on the table formulated thoughts are as far from my grasp as spontaneous space travel ah the life of the student pondering concepts that ought to be concise and captivating but I'm actually out on the ocean warm scent of salt victorious gulls breeze-whipped hair ok but this introduction is pathetic so I'll backspace until I'm gone to the somewhere where the green is rich and deep blossom-speckled shady moss quietly ringing brook-song ticklish cushioned forest floor Focus, focus, read the words again, fourth time through the paragraph except somewhere it's warm enough to sit without shivering in the grasses while the stars dance in and out of the thundercloud as it rolls in sorry, you lost me what? image source

sometimes it's all blurry like the moon tonight warm and sleepy and yet there's restlessness and hunger to know this is not really  home and that means THANK YOU thank You that I get to be where I am wading in the messiness of human hearts and many mistakes and the fathomless depths of Your Words stars spoken in a treasure chest with beat-up leather covers.   it's so not the neat and tidy I am comfortable with but somehow I love that because You're rearranging my heart and there is no good symphony built of resolved chords and the best music is the beautiful tension, You transforming dark chaos into the light of hope and in these moments of  sweat and elbow grease, blood and baby skin  empty arms and full, full hearts somehow even the ache can be beautiful because even though I will always mourn my little ones and all the loved ones too far to touch my heart continues to swell and stretch,  and I never knew I co...

the distant train whistle the silence of a baby who has forgotten what it was like for someone to come when she cried a token of love shattered into ceramic slivers the wild frightened glance of an adolescent trapped in their mind's tricks the scent of dying roses old letters from a love that spun apart, questions that remain the way the colours sink into the ground after the late fall rain, leaving only muck the roaring silence and the old man's dull stare it hurts, oh it hurts unexpected, a flooding whisper overwhelms the pain "This is not where the story ends, dear one. This is not where the story ends." And, setting in with the chill after the sun's set, a peace. In the dark, we wait and hope. It is enough.

I do not mean for this to sound like I believe myself to be experienced, wise, dramatic, or to have anything figured out. I do not and am not (except perhaps the dramatic part, at least sometimes). I do feel the small things I have been through deeply, and I wrote this in sincerity I think. My eyes are bloodshot with tears I have looked and seen sin. My feet are caked with dirt and blood from the places I have walked. My arms are heavy from reaching unsuccessfully so far. My head aches with the echoes of the voices in my dreams. My shoulder scars are a little numb where the claws of sin went in. My hands are shaky from holding on My heart, well it's still bleeding I don't know how long it takes for letting go to heal. But I just got a much-needed reminder: One day I will see my Savior face to face every tear will be wiped away. Rev. 21:4 My Savior's in the foot-washing business. John 13:5 Underneath me are everlasting arms. Deut. 33:27 Some day His songs will forever ring...

Night with no moon will you sing me some praises tell me Who sees through the blindness of night speak soft the deafening words of His promise the Dayspring, the Sun, the giver of Light Night with no moon oh sing to me sweetly we need Gilead's balm for our bruised bloody souls open our ears Lord and teach us to listen Trust may remind frozen tears how to flow. Night with no moon I am here, I am listening here in the stillness I'm desperate for hope Tell me the story we both know so clearly I won't drop the lamp we need for this dark road Night with no moon please rebuke me and scold me I know day will come yet I gave up the fight Night with no moon, just once more sing it softly and lull me to sleep with my sword at my side.