point of view

rest warmth  coffee inside the cozy lit indecisive grey skies,  an escapee drop here and there and the weight of wisdom,  solid and satisfying praying that it will seep in saturate my heart

This has been a gratitude-filled fall if Thanksgiving dinners are any indication - I've had three =)  One Canadian celebration with family, since I was home for the wedding on the same weekend, one a few weeks later with fellow Canadians in the area (and some additions), and one American thanksgiving with other homeless students.  All of them were lovely, although of course being home with family and having family from the states made the first one very very special.  In the spirit of the most recent one I thought I would share a few more "gifts" from my Ann-Voskamp-inspired gift list. I'm going back to the wedding but there are so many I can only share a few or you'll be here all day!  3034.  The moment I saw Dad walking towards me on the street in TO, new beard and all (I love my Daddy, I can't even express how wonderful a moment like that is)  3036. Heidi surrounded by wedding things 3037.  A peaceful and lovely lunch with Heidi, aunts and Oma...

I don't really like this template, but it had come to my attention that the other one wasn't displaying properly, and I found one I liked, and tried to install it but it just wasn't being nice to me.  And right now I really don't have time to figure it out so instead you get this lovely background...  reminds me of lima beans.   You're welcome. _______________________________ UPDATE I messed it up again.  These things just don't display properly and I still really should be doing homework instead.  Frustrated, giving up for the moment, thank you for your patience, have a good day.  I will get something acceptable on here someday.  (P.S. Any web designers out there??  HELP!  lol) _____________________________ Finally, something is sort of working.  I hope this displays properly for the people who actually read this blog.  If you can see the background, yay!  I see a tiny bit of it.  I am going to be cont...

the distant train whistle the silence of a baby who has forgotten what it was like for someone to come when she cried a token of love shattered into ceramic slivers the wild frightened glance of an adolescent trapped in their mind's tricks the scent of dying roses old letters from a love that spun apart, questions that remain the way the colours sink into the ground after the late fall rain, leaving only muck the roaring silence and the old man's dull stare it hurts, oh it hurts unexpected, a flooding whisper overwhelms the pain "This is not where the story ends, dear one. This is not where the story ends." And, setting in with the chill after the sun's set, a peace. In the dark, we wait and hope. It is enough.

...that's what I'm doing right now.  I have papers to write but I am so slow this morning.  I'm sitting on the awesome kitchen stool we have with my laptop on the counter beside the kettle and my towel hanging off the cupboard door, just enjoying my coffee (Dunkin Donuts Hazelnut, it was on sale...  On of the things you don't find in Ontario) It's a happy morning.  I don't exactly know why...  Perhaps some recent blessings are sinking in.  God is providing for me, I have a bit less uncertainty about the next little while, and I've enjoyed a lot of good phone conversations in the last little bit...  And some good in person conversations too =)    On a random note there are roses on the table, snipped from the bush outside.  Roses in November!  I walk past a big rosebush to get to my car, almost every day.  I love it.  This just started on my playlist so I will share it with you, it's a favorite. Speaking of ...

Yes, sometimes I spend too much time on the internet.  I'm getting better though...  But I thought I'd share a couple of the treasures I found in my squandered moments.     Love these.  There are five up in my room. Totally want to make these... YUM And these...  But I think these are a little ambitious for me So excited to find this page!  I listened to one by Mark Dever and one by Thabiti Anyabwile, and was blessed by both. Sometimes I like to look up photo galleries that make me feel like I've been traveling, just to pretend. This one is a little different.   Looking for a hefty DIY project?  Here's some inspiration. More artistic inspiration, though this is way beyond me...  But I love the ocean and I could stare at watercolors for hours. The most cheerful rendition of Rock of Ages I've ever heard! To end things off on a good note:  Classic.

  to soften the edge of busyness to stop and smell the roses  twice in one day to sweep the farthest corners  and do all the laundry to explore and sing to feel the warmth of the sunshine and pray to try something new but slow is only good when it means everyday worship prospers and slow is for choosing, carefully, how to fill the moments slow shouldn't be idle because consecrated moments aren't meant to be wasted and so when you slow learn invite someone in make something and give it away slow is meant to be shared.

Some of the 'gifts' from my gift-list , as of late.  Also some random pictures of life since leaving Canada, in no particular order.     2932. Linda's sweet cards, one for each day of my first week...  And another to be saved "For a sad day" 2934.  Discovering the park up the road with Heidi 2935.  Stringing pearls together....  =)  (There will have to be a follow-up photo of our creation sometime!) 2936.  Sharing a coke with Heidi before she got on the bus 2937.  Becky's fresh bread 2940.  Finding the little Saturday farmer's market at the end of the road (complete with 10-year-old busker, cafe, and train station) 2942.  Audrey Hepburn movies free online =)  2944. Whipped cream in my coffee 2945.  The AOC songs ripped from youtube on my mp3 player 2946.  A sweet "do-not-open-until" card from Heidi to help make my bi...

Just a few pictures for fun:    The night I moved in.   These flowers were waiting on the dresser in the empty room, with a sweet note from Anna J, who had stopped by that afternoon.  What a lovely welcome!  I just wish I hadn't been too tired to notice that my one quick snap of them was terrible quality.  Ah well.   And today, more or less settled in:    Still a couple things to do, like hang up my calendar (and eventually a few more things on the walls, yay!) get a bedskirt, and finish crocheting my crazy colored blanket that you see in the bag on the floor.  I'm getting there, but there are so many little things to do between class and class-related things...  Life is good.

  I am here!   Last Monday I left Canada and headed to the States to begin a new season of life.  =)  I'm studying at CCEF for at least a year, and Heidi drove down with me to help me settle in.  It was nice to have almost a week of sister-time before she gets married...  The week felt like a bit of a whirlwind though.  We arrived just in time for supper at our friends' house, spent the next day shopping, Wednesday went to the ocean and then another family had us over for dinner on our way back, Thursday spent the morning with wedding preparations and then the afternoon visiting, and I had my first class that evening.  (!!!)  Friday we stopped by Heidi's former landlady's place for lunch, hit the thrift store and spent some time exploring on foot before driving downtown for Heidi to take the bus back home that night.  Oh, and there were things to do for the wedding inbetween most of the cracks =)  Saturday I mourned the ...

summer dawns and I'm a wanderer neither here nor there chapters closed and not yet begun but what lies between such a sweet rich freedom time to slow to savor, to enjoy I've said plenty of goodbyes in my time but you'll always be a part of who I am you've taught me how beauty and dignity mesh you've given me confidence taught me how to sing and how to weep I've let go the little hands that reached into my mourning heart and claimed my love and care when I thought I was done with loving oh, the Lord knew better and I've left them in good hands now things I'd let go of, the Lord brought them back He is sovereign over opportunity so I'll love because He loves me first first clematis image found here second clematis image found here

when I call myself a loner will you come and sit with me if I feel out in the cold will you be the bridge between when I say my heart's uncaring, will you shed your tears for me when my days feel dark and despairing share the joy and grace you see if the grace of Christ has changed you, will you let it flow to me if you know the truths of Jesus, please tell me what they mean will you act the always faithful love of the pursuing Friend will you sing the song of hope to me until I can sing again if I choose to be rebellious you've got to tell it like it is be gentle and unyielding don't give up on me just yet if I tell you of the horror, don't pretend you understand be patient, walk beside me if I can't see, take my hand if the grace of Christ has changed you, will you let it flow to me if you know the truths of Jesus, please tell me what they mean will you act the always faithful love of the pursuing Friend will you sing the song of h...

treetop moon bursting through flurried kitchen concoctions ruffled thudding on my window we're restless, you and i. let's pretend to be poets, snobbish and elusive truth is, we don't know what to do with ourselves hungry for summer for release but today is a gem whether we know it or not. image from justcalendar.org

day to day breathing is heavy sometimes giving You control has me trembling with fright surrender overwhelms me like an incoming tide the weight of forgiveness burns soft, deep inside my life bears Your name and I'm cupped in Your hands but I build crumbling castles as fast as I can set me high on the Rock, wash away all the sand hour by hour trusting in Your perfect plan I'm scared of Your mercy - it's lovely and hard Your goodness like fire rearranges my heart be Lord of my moments, You've stained them with joy like swallowing sunshine, I make You my choice i image source http://thebigclockstore.com/april/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/06675a.jpg

(this list could go on for a very long time, actually.) everyone needs to stop and just stare at the blue sky sometimes. ask questions. make the people in your life feel like celebrities when you greet them. fresh air and exercise helps to keep you from going crazy. rainbows are the coolest things ever. never be afraid to ask for help. pray for ants. it's ok to cry.  loudly.  and then sit for a while - but only as long as you need.  then get up and do the next thing. always be extra kind to people who've been crying. mud is good. real men like flowers.  and killing bad guys, no matter how many zillions of times they're told fighting is not allowed at school. everyone should appreciate jellyfish. food is a big deal. singing louder is always better. and God is the answer to everything.

it’s an unceasing weight tears bottled up my unanswered question broken telephone lines unresponsive heart love through a clogged artery how long, oh Lord? yearning for it, maybe force it but it is good that one should hope and wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord. patient perseverance, submission to sovereignty until we sing again. image source  http://www.pptbackgrounds.net

...But I need a little processing time before I can write something about the things that are in my head right now.  Thought for the day:   The Lord works everywhere, all the time.   Think about it.

from blue heavens a trail of wax and feathers like a fallen star into darkness and fire my own way. bent on destroying myself except the Sun of righteousness on the wings of the Morning arises with healing in His wings caught a captive of grace surrender is inevitable holy fire  sanctifying, healing, guiding into His arms imagesource: "The Fall of Icarus" by helene Reference to  Malachi 4:2

...about a good pen. it should be quiet, smooth, and leave lots of ink without being blotchy. and retractable tips are better because then you don't lose your cap. and they should definitely not be blue. or red. the darker, the better it makes you want to just keep writing What do you think?  Pens or pencils?  Lined or unlined paper?  Blue ink or black ink?  What's the best pen in the world?

The  best recipe :  Indian Tomato Chicken  - a family favorite. And great to make a huge batch of, it seems to improve with reheating. The  best book (s), John Ploughman’s Talks by C.H. Spurgeon and Speaking The Truth in Love by David Powlison. The  best song  that you just couldn't get out of your head?  The Invasion (Hero) The  jeans  that fit best? A random pair given to me by a cousin =) The  best week  of 2012: The  CCEF National Conference . Make a resolution in 2013. Go to  this  one. Even if you are not a counselor. Best habit ? I made a goal to make sure I read, wrote, sang, exercised, invested in a friendship and created something at least once every week. Best holiday ? I think Good Friday. Just because it’s always my favorite. So stripped down, so simple, the heartbeat and climax of History. Best risk  taken - to reach into more of the lives around me.  Goodness, I ...

moment by moment singing God's faithfulness at a dear cousin's wedding Dad on sabbatical and how he slows, smiles more, trusting My sister meeting a special young man, and how he slips into the ebb and flow of family learning to love and care for people, learning to change road trips to see, gospel breaking in, breaking through Mark off to university, stretching, reveling in this new stage of life births and weddings, joy upon joy a death that hit close to home, reminding us where home really is frustration and exhaustion to teach me dependence surprising joy when I least expected it. Every day, the struggle to live thankfully, one step at a time. I am blessed. I am held.