point of view

listen you weary busy and numb and frustrated the tinsel and inflatable Santas tire your soul the flickering lights are cold like LED and the emptiness of your heart is weighing heavy searching for wonderful this time of the year I know oh, I know in this long winter this dark, dark night at the moment when despair begins to choke us a beam of light constellations are singing as a woman cries out and in a muck of blood and fluids a Baby with hardly any hair, no teeth, uncoordinated limbs skin and flesh and bone human yet - miracle of miracles - the light of Divinity I wonder how Mary dared to touch Him and the Light in that stable shines down through the ages to you He can take your life of dark moment followed by dark moment and spill His blood into your dead and decaying soul to bring life and hope and light to transform your everyday.

It is sad to come home just when everyone is leaving for their various activities, and to eat a reheated dinner in a silent house that is all spruced up for Christmas. This season makes me feel like we should be together. So to anyone who is alone or even just lonely this Christmas, I feel ya. And this is not even a terribly frequent occurrence in my life, so if it is in yours, I feel ya even more. Psalm 68(:6)

"I charge you, O daughters... do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." -Song of Songs I am young and I sleep resting in my Father's arms a garden enclosed a lily among thorns the secrets of my heart and the song I sing are still unshared, still only for my King Awaken me slow oh, waken me softly be gentle in persuading if you're winning my heart if I call you beloved, will you call me sister first if I let you in, I know that it will hurt I'm scared and I am stubborn but I'm drawn to your gaze this could be a holy fire I want to know, can you be wise? Awaken me slow oh, waken me softly be gentle in persuading if you're winning my heart

the harvest-remains are tilled under and I find myself wondering, when did the summer night-noises hush their conversation? The soil feels barren in my fingers the warmth of life isn't there anymore and the chill in my lungs rests there in my palm, too yet the moonlit furrows stretch far beyond my view and I know this time of waiting dying clearing is beautiful too. The stars above, masked by transparent cloud they are the same and so is the Sower, the Potter. There is weeping in my heart when the Master plows deep when He clears the fields but as I sit here, hands and knees feel the earth and I know springtime, harvest and daylight will come in His good time. Sow for yourselves righteousness; Reap in mercy; Break up your fallow ground, for it is time to seek the LORD, till He comes and rains righteousness on you. -Hosea 10:12 He who continually goes forth weeping , bearing seed for sow ing, shall doubtless come again with rejoicing, bringing his sheaves with him. -Psa...

Melany, I watched the ABC 20/20 documentary. Here are my thoughts. If I mixed up details about the story it's because I watched it all once and then couldn't find it back again =) Yay for living in Canada where American broadcasts disappear because of copyright issues! What does ABC News know of the ache in your eyes cameras roll as tears slip down you tell the world that your Indian name, Stands Against The Wind, means that you are forever strong that you will never hang yourself in the closet again because your brother found you you say you are strong but I know I know in my heart it means hard I watch through the television lens as feathers and beads spin, dancing with a little girl's giggle and my heart, well, I can feel physical pain even writing this oh, my little ones... It's hard and it hurts to remember their giggles it still hurts the boy who tells us he wants to be the first Native American President and his cousin displays burn scars from a parent who wa...

I am always a little caught off guard by the way kids think. Where and why does a kindergartener authoritatively tell me that brown makes blue? What does that even mean? And how does a kindergartener's mind take "Mrs. Ghelani" and turn it into "Mrs. Goliath"? It makes me happy to hear the same little boy always call any type of food "'licious" (e.g., while piling a toy train high with plastic food, "Miss Luimes, see all the 'licious in there!") And when another little boy painstakingly ('pain' is no exaggeration!) finishes coloring a picture of Jesus walking on water, then asks me how to spell 'Jesus', and I am expecting him to expound on the story of Jesus walking on the water, why am I so surprised to hear him announce "because Jesus built the ark"? Because, well kids will be kids. Delightfully confused and wonderful.

like a prairie hawk in a fowler's net my restless heart struggles angry at times other times, holy and content once in a while, both and the whole drama beautiful somehow. How strange how incomprehensible this work of Yours but this wild and dirty little gypsy girl You love her somehow I am convinced of it how else this grace, all this Grace? love more than imagination can wrap itself around intimately, deeply, oh so painfully heavy euphoria sanctification.

In honor of Thanksgiving Day yesterday, here are some of my gift listings since the last post. #358 A sound sleep #360 Unexpected joy #368 Warm campfire sleepiness #370 A baby climbing into my lap uninvited, uncoaxed #374 Curiousity #375 A boy with a big voice to proclaim scripture to passersby #380 Tiny frogs #385 The chance to tell someone, "Jesus Christ is the difference!" #387 A mechanic for a father! #397 A friend who will always be one #399 Being told I am missed #400 The way prairie grasses ripple in green waves, an ocean of wild freedom #406 That they are going even though I can't #411 A mockingbird rejoicing on the TV antenna #417 An unasked for downpour #421 Midnight crickets #429 Joyful black baby faces #432 Djembes at the campfire #438 The evening sun shining back from the windows of a farmhouse #442 Sharing french press #440 Dishtowels that make me laugh (http://www.comparestoreprices.co.uk/images/ed/eddingtons-...

"He was forsaken that we might be accepted He was bound that we might be loosed" and as the sun glints in the rich red of the wine I feel the bread in my belly and peace in my soul overflowing in my heart He is my nourishment He is my righteousness I am a cold corpse, except for these and beside me, a whisper "it's bread Mommy, why is it so special? What's so special about it?" a little half-smile plays on my lips Just you wait, little one, soon you'll see as little people watch, eyes wide following hand to mouth following there is awe, and a pew up I see anticipation desire and gladness wells up in my eyes "by His stripes we are healed" it's beautiful, this cycle of discipleship and renewal in this beautiful Bride I feel the burning of the wine in my throat the blood-fountain of sacrifice and birthing washed clean loved living.

silky cotton clouds chase after the elusive pink orange blush of the set sun as it slips down across the country this magnetic vortex unmarred except for a dust speck I mean passenger plan crowded with people merrily putting, cutting it's inharmonious way across this mystery I wonder, if I were the pilot would I be able to resist that mystical pull? Maybe I would fly along clueless too preoccupied with instruments and timetables to look up and see How is it anyway, we humans so often go putt-putting on our way ignoring the fingers of creation, all pointing upward ears too full of cacophony to hear the song of salvation too busy to stop and ask what really is all this longing for? What should I be chasing after?

A request was made for some of my song lyrics, so I am posting them here: verse 1 I remember your hugs your little boy swagger your quizzical expressions your quick temper you stole my love my heart, my attention I felt like a mother leaving her son chorus can I let you go after loving you so deep? teach me to surrender all these things I want to keep you'll take a little of my heart 'cause I've held you there but you're still held by the One who taught me how to care v2 He only held her once knowing she would leave him he protected and loved just for a season she wanted him to be her prince but she followed her king away he loved her so he let her go and he stayed chorus v3 She was their precious baby from another woman's womb they prayed for adoption for papers coming soon but they came and took her and they wept alone in pain a new baby cries can they learn to love again? chorus outro how can I surrender...

I come longing lonely questioning knowing all the answers are held by the Shepherd I don't need them all, He's told me that but I need to be held wrapped in promises comforted

are you thirsty? Come Come to the Waters are you hungry? Come Come eat Living Bread are you broken? Come Come to the Healer are you chained, imprisoned? Come Come taste freedom are you grieving, in mourning? Come Come dance to the Song of Salvation are you dead, dead and buried? Wake! Rise and live!

...there were water droplets from the sky, in my heart, and in my eyes too and it struck me this is what light looks like in a dry sky: Strange, the dramatic effect water droplets have on a beam of light. Coincidence? I think not.

If we never teetered to the edge of the nest if we never flew past our comfortable circle If we never did the uncomfortable the too hard the impossible I wouldn't be bleeding this way If I never knew, I'd never care It wouldn't hurt like heartstrings snapping My soul wouldn't be broken and bruised But If I never knew the sorrow of separation If I never hurt for another broken heart If I never felt the wild frustration of not being able to solve the problem I wouldn't know the wonder the elation, awe and joy The being overwhelmed to know There is a Savior There is a Solution There is a Healer I would rather love and bear the anguish By His stripes we are healed.

I wrote this a little while ago but I need to be reminded again and again! Promises... Tearing through walls of doubt melting away walls I built to protect my pain The agony of loneliness the guilt of knowing there's no reason for it knowing I am not alone The sorrow over my numbness my rebellion and envy oh, I want to be thirsty! Child Hush Others have betrayed you but I was betrayed so that you will never be forsaken I am your hope drink, though it may choke you at first no place, no heart is impervious to the gospel whether you believe it or not My grip never slackens in the blackest night or the foggiest day if you ask I will give you trust.

New post below the last one. I started writing it before this one below and then saved as a draft so it posted underneath.

"I was a slave to self", he said "to my body my twisted mind my rotting soul chains of deceit snaked in and out of my every moment I wanted women, drugs, booze to bow and serve me and I was so lonely. I didn't see, didn't know, I was a slave to death and sin hell and Lucifer. And so empty. Then the Word reached in Truth pierced through the chains Blood rained from the clouds and washed my sins away til I stopped kicking and screaming I was blind, but He touched my eyes and now I see No longer a slave," - And his dark eyes glowed with joy - "A prisoner of hope you see." I suppose I am putting words into Lecrae's mouth by writing this as coming from him, but when I wrote it I was thinking about the transformation of the gospel from the lowest of places to righteousness and growth and Lecrae has been a huge mentor for me. I have definitely seen these things in his life so I don't think this is too much of a stretch =)

I recently started a notebook of "1000 Gifts", inspired by the writer of http://www.aholyexperience.com/. It's kind of an exercise in "counting the ways He loves you", as Ann Voskamp puts it. I am up to #367 right now and I thought I would share a few, and some photos I've taken over the last few months... #1 Redemption - Jesus holding all hell on His shoulders, "I love you" #3 The unrestrained joy of spring's frenzied birdsong #8 Curlicues in a wisp of sunlit steam #13 The untaught dance of baby femininity #14 Coffeeshop air #28 Striped morning sunlight #31 The return of a long-absent friend #33 Colored pencil shavings #35 Gifts waiting to be given, like a secret only you know #50 Iridescent bubbles floating to the sunshine #51 Three generations around the table for a cup of tea #58 Something to do, to give #62 "He will praise the Lord through the night, until the sun arises" #6...